“We run this shit, and anyone who disagrees better be ready for a fight,” declared current Anheuser-Busch President Luiz Fernando Edmond. “We have been providing the world with top quality piss since the beginning and will continue until the end of time.”
While most beer competitors have disregarded Budweiser’s ridiculous words, one man has since risen to the challenge. His name is Arthur Guinness, the beer god himself. The creator of one of the most beloved brews in the history of mankind was so infuriated by these statements that he has risen from the dead to issue a challenge to the so called “King of Beers.”
“Since my death in 1803, I have been looking for a reason to come back and fuck somebody up. And thanks to these piss bottlers, I finally have that reason,” stated Arthur. “I’m hearing a lot of shit-talking so let me throw this challenge out there for the world to hear. ONE night only, Anheuser-Busch and Guinness, IN A STEEL CAGE MATCH!”
Since the challenge was issued, President of Anheuser-Busch has been quiet, leading most to believe that he is hiding somewhere and crying like a little bitch. Moments after the news of the challenge was issued, Twitter experienced server overload due to the overwhelming hype. The steel cage match is expected to be a Pay-Per-View event in Madison Square Garden. All the world can do now is wait.
Arthur Guinness concluded his counter-challenge with this statement: “I’m here to drink some beer and kick some ass. And I already drank all my beer.”